No one knows when the last time will be. If we knew, then we might have made that last time better, more important, or more memorable. Honestly, if we knew it was the last time, we wouldn't have been able to look back on it with fondness or grief.
When he broke my heart, I tried desperately to remember all the last times. When was the last time we hugged or kissed? When was the last time we made dinner together? When was the last time we laughed? When was the last time he was really in love with me?
This self-imposed tortured has transitioned from lasts to firsts. The first day I had to make dinner for one. The first time I shopped for groceries alone. The first time that none of his clothes were in the laundry basket. The first time I needed him and couldn't call anymore.
I understand that there will be many more firsts, but I am still grieving the lasts until that last day of heartbreak comes. Right now, it is nowhere in sight.
No comments:
Post a Comment